Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Hi, it's me again!

Lately I feel as though these are the most common words coming from my mouth...

I happen to be praying ALOT right now...

And each time I pray, I start with..."Hi, it's me again"...

We are on a first name basis now...

He knows my requests by heart...

And, he is helping me cope with my pain...

Oh the PAIN...

Who knew grief could be so physical?...

I cry ALOT...

I cry before I go to sleep most every night...

Then I get into the tub with my special 'relaxing' salts...

They're not really working...

Nothing's really working...

I can't sleep much...

And, I am tired...

My husband's tired too...

Cuz I cry...

ALOT!...

I am soliciting you for your advice...

Other than the praying, I need some more help...

Help for the pain of our loss...

And on the sleep issues...

Help Me...

Please?...

Auntie Amy

13 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I work with a therapist who specializes in grief counseling. Maybe join an online support group?

This blog has been very helpful to a lot of people. I believe that CJane submitted a piece to it.

http://www.goodgriefblog.com/

Jess said...

maybe you need a huge project to take your mind off things. Not so you forget, just so you can cope.

service is always good.

I hope you are able to be back to yourself soon!

Mike and Alleen said...

Keep praying is the best advice I can give. I can't imagine the loss your family has suffered, but your kids need you to be the strong one. Keep your chin up!

Sarah said...

Going to school keeps my mind off things, and I know that you don't really go to school... but it definetely helps to distract yourself. I also keep writing in my journal about my thoughts and talk with my family about all of the funny memories of Sage.

And it's okay to cry, because I am a lot too...
~Haley

P.S. I'm pretty sure that he already knew you by heart... haha

Amy B. said...

Oh Haley Bug...there you go teaching me and comforting me...again! You are so wise and such a beautiful girl...I love you so much!

You're right, I don't go to school but sometimes wish my life was like that again...

I love you!

Amy

Anonymous said...

It may very well be time to seek the help of a grief counselor. You HAVE TO have someone to talk to. The pain is VERY real and it IS physical and it is chemical too. You may need medication to help get you through this until you feel yourself again and can function more the way you want to. (don't know... don't mean to rush to medication, but it CAN be a possible option) There is ABSOLUTELY no shame in either of these things.... I know you know that. But really Amy, the sooner the better. You need someone to help you work through this grief and pain. I commented before about passing it on/sharing it to make it more bearable to carry. Go to someone who is TRAINED to give you the skills to get back to where you want to be. No doubt at all that your friends and your family love you and want to help you... maybe it's just time to add another dimension to it.
We'll keep you in our prayers too.
L.

Anonymous said...

Have you talked to Lisa? She, having been in a somewhat similar situation, might be able to share some coping skills or ideas.
Also, your bishop could line you up with someone at LDS family services (and factor in cost if it's a concern right now). That's why they're there.
These are a couple of thoughts that have come to me. If I think of anything else I'll pass it on.
Hope today is a little bit better for you.
L.

Michelle D said...

Service idea - make the backdoor neighbors some yummy food! Ok, kidding, but I hope it made you smile. We are really grateful for all that you do for us. It means a lot.

If you need someone to chat with - call or come over. I'm usually here! I hope you get feeling "more yourself" soon. We'll keep you in our prayers. Love you!

Amy B. said...

Basically I am fine during the day...it's when the night rolls around that I have problems...or when I hear that Sarah and Tyler have had a bad day.

I appreciate all of your comments and ideas...thank you for listening to me and for giving me advice...

As I have said before, this blog is sort of my coping mechanism right now...I write things down and you comment and make me feel better...really...

Thank you again!

amy

Sarah said...

oh and just so you know...
You DO NOT want to wish you were back in school again!!
And you sounded like Jodi for a minute there, calling me "Haleybug..." haha good luck!
Haley

Jocelyn said...

Give it time. If you scrapbook, make a wonderful scrapbook of her pictures. Whatever you do, do it in her honor.

Also, make a donation in her name, and by that, I do not mean monetary. Any one can give money, even if all you have is a penny. DO something for a charity her parents love. Volunteer some of your time in her honor. Make a quilt for NICU or PICU. Crochet a hat. Something. Let them know as you donate it that you are doing it in her honor and it will help you to heal. Forgive yourself of any guilt. It was her time to go and we cannot hold over our heads the what ifs. Her family needs your support and need to heal, as do you. The first year is the hardest. All the firsts you miss usually happen in the first year.

Be patient. It's hard because you love her so much. That shows how you are.

Anonymous said...

How are you Amy?

Kurt and Tara Heath said...

Amy-
I think sometimes the best way to help yourself it by helping someone else. There are many people around you probably going through similiar things, find them comfort each other. For me when everything happened with Jenna, praying and putting all my faith into God kept my eyes a little dryer:) Also, reading helped me. Ashley told me about the Great and Terrible series and the first book The Brothers was so helpful to me, not sure exactly why but it was.

Always lean on friends too! We are all here and willing to help!

Maybe I need to bring you a coke:)